Print Story Rejected!
Wizards and Hobbits
By CheeseburgerBrown (Thu Aug 23, 2007 at 03:15:21 PM EST) (all tags)
For the past year or so I've been writing for a local rural newspaper. My latest contribution, however, has been rejected on the grounds that the subject matter might be "too upsetting" for the sensitive people of our town.

Judge for yourself:


The Night Folk, Part I
by Cheeseburger Brown

I was buying vegetables from one of the family-run produce concerns off 89 when I first learned of the disappearance of young Kendra B. (surname withheld at the request of the family), an eight-year-old girl from Stroud last seen in May 2007. The subject was being discussed by two older ladies whose theories might be best described as "unorthodox." They were browsing tomatoes when I interrupted to ask a few questions.

That's how my investigation began -- I went out for cucumbers and came home plagued by a mystery. My sources told me that South Simcoe detectives had determined that Kendra was kidnapped by her father after an ugly custody dispute; they believed she'd been taken to the US. My sources, on the other hand, assured me this explanation was "poppycock."

"So who took her?" I asked.

In response they provided me the address of a farmer near Churchill who could tell me more, so the next day I hopped in my car and drove out to meet him. (For the purposes of this article we'll call him Gordon, as he asked me not to print his real name.) Gordon was waiting for me on his front porch when I pulled up, a cigarette dangling from his weather-etched lips. "You Mr. Brown?" he called down.

I told him I was. "I'm preparing a report for Footprints Magazine," I explained. "I was hoping you could help me out."

"Yeah, I got a heads-up from Bonnie," he said, nodding. Then he added thoughtfully, "You know, it takes a fellow awfully secure in his manhood to drive a butter-yellow sub-compact."

I tried to smile. "Er, yes. May I come in?"

Gordon's little farm house was cluttered and dusty. He told me he's fallen behind on the tidying since his wife died. He chased a sleepy Newfoundlander off the sofa and invited me to sit on the matted pile of fur left in its wake. The coffee table was buried under a mound of overflowing ashtrays and faded copies of National Geographic. "Make yourself at home," said Gordon.

I took out my notebook and poised the pen over a clean page. "What do you think happened to Kendra?"

"The night folk took her," he said flatly.

I looked up from my notebook. "I'm sorry?"

"You heard me. You just don't believe it."

I licked my lips, choosing my next words carefully. "I don't want to offend you, but Michelle's not going to be happy if I file a story about...um, leprechauns. Footprints isn't the Inquirer, you know. There are certain journalistic standards to uphold."

Gordon started to violently wheeze. I thought he was having an asthma attack but he waved off my help. It turned out he was laughing. "Leprechauns?" he chortled, shaking his head. "Do I look Irish to you, boy?"

"Um," I said.

"Listen, Brown," he said, suddenly serious again, "this ain't no fairy tale. I'm telling you, honest to Christ, there's something going on here in Innisfil and you're as big a fool as the cops if you ignore it."

"I don't know what to say."

"Here," he said, standing with a weary grunt. "Come on. Let me show you something."

We walked out under the oppressive June sun, crossing a fallow field of yellow grass to a shaded glen running along the southern border of the property. Gordon picked his way expertly through the undergrowth, leading me to the base of a massive, centuries-old oak tree. "This is where Kendra used to play," he told me. "She liked to fart around in the bushes, and her mother didn't mind one bit so long as I kept half an eye out. Nice woman. We go to the same church. She was real good to me after my wife passed. Their house is right over there, on the other side of the creek."

"So what am I supposed to be seeing here, Gordon?"

He waved me over to the far side of the oak where a pick-axe and a shovel leaned against the trunk at the rim of a major excavation. The root system was exposed to the open air, its smallest capillaries curled and dried out. Gordon sat himself down on the pile of dirt beside the hole and nodded toward the tree. "Go take a looksee," he advised.

I hitched up my pants and knelt down next to the hole. It was amazingly deep, the labour of many days, the sides reinforced with scrap wood and orange plastic fencing. I frowned. "It looks like the trunk goes right on down through the ground," I said.

"It does," he confirmed with a brief nod.

"Is that normal for an oak tree?"

"Nope. I chain-sawed a cut in it. Take a gander."

What's an intrepid reporter to do? I did as I was told. I clambered inside the hole and my shoes sank into the soft earth at the bottom. Ducking beneath webs of loose roots I came to Gordon's incision, the bark peeled back to expose a yawning cavity in the tree's inexplicable underground trunk. The farmer called to me and then tossed down a flashlight. I clicked the tip and pointed it inside.

The trunk was a kind of tunnel. Its sides were carved with what was unmistakably a spiral of tiny steps, a miniature staircase running deep down into the ground, its end lost beyond the flashlight's meager glow. "I found one of her shoes in there," said Gordon quietly.

"She got stuck?"

"Nope. I reckon she followed the tunnel...wherever it goes."

I climbed out, feeling a bit dizzy. Gordon helped haul me over the edge with his tough hands. "That's the weirdest thing I've ever seen," I told him earnestly.

"You ain't seen nothing. I've lived in Innisfil all my life, and I've known about them since I was little."

"Them?"

"The night folk. They're small, smaller than a kid. You don't get them much around this time of year -- the night's too short. But come the equinox, oh boy: they get busy."

A shiver spread across my shoulders. "You've actually seen them?"

"No, they don't let themselves be seen. But sometimes they leave stuff behind -- little hats, tools, that kind of thing. I'd crawl down there myself but I'm too darn old and too darn fat. A skinny fellow like you, though..."

I looked up sharply. "You want me to crawl in there?"

Gordon shrugged. "You're a reporter, ain't you? How else are you going to get to the bottom of all this?"

I gulped, closing my eyes for a moment to think it through. Finally I looked back at him and said, "I'm going to need some stuff -- like lights, and water, and a camera."

Gordon nodded, standing up and brushing off his pants. "You get whatever you need, and come back anytime you dare, Mr. Brown."

That's how we left it, after a hand-shake, and that's where I have to leave you, Footprints readers. I'm not sure what I'm going to do. But if there's even a chance that young Kendra is somehow underground instead of across the border, I suppose I've got no real choice. The police don't believe Gordon, and there's no one else willing to listen.

I promise to report back on my findings in the next issue. Wish me luck.


< Syllable Practice | BBC White season: 'Rivers of Blood' >
Rejected! | 26 comments (26 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
part poe by sasquatchan (2.00 / 0) #1 Thu Aug 23, 2007 at 03:39:44 PM EST
part lovecraft, and a smattering of Clive Barker. Danged if I can't recall the Barker story about the nightfolk in the Canadian remotes. Cabal, that's it.

Not too disturbing, yet ...



Don't Talk About the Cabal! by CheeseburgerBrown (2.00 / 0) #10 Thu Aug 23, 2007 at 04:15:58 PM EST
I don't get the objection. by Christopher Robin was Murdered (4.00 / 1) #2 Thu Aug 23, 2007 at 04:00:20 PM EST
Was there some recent case of parental kidnapping or something? Do they mean "disturbing" in the "must observe the proprieties, not appear exploitative" sense?



Kidnapped Girl is Taboo by CheeseburgerBrown (2.00 / 0) #5 Thu Aug 23, 2007 at 04:05:49 PM EST
No one's been kidnapped recently, but apparently the powers that be felt that residents might become alarmed and organize an impromptu search or something.


I am from a small, unknown country in the north called Ca-na-da.
[ Parent ]

That makes the poll easy by Phage (2.00 / 0) #22 Fri Aug 24, 2007 at 03:35:37 AM EST
Your editor is fecked in the head. Per the other comments, would this editurd have rejected Poe, Lovecraft or even Rowling ?

Founder member Golgafrinchan 'B' Ark
[ Parent ]

That I understand. by Christopher Robin was Murdered (4.00 / 1) #26 Fri Aug 24, 2007 at 12:01:32 PM EST
We recently pulled Verne's "Journey to the Center of the Earth" from our local library's shelves because we were afraid somebody might dig up Prospect Park in an effort to mount an expedition.

You can't be too careful with this "fiction" stuff. In the wrong hands, it is dangerous as dynamite.

[ Parent ]

I like it. by ObviousTroll (2.00 / 0) #3 Thu Aug 23, 2007 at 04:01:46 PM EST
I disagree about the lovecraftian comment though - this could easily go in many different ways at this point, it doesn't have to be grim.

--
Has anybody seen my clue? I know I had it when I came in here.


Right, Well... by CheeseburgerBrown (2.00 / 0) #9 Thu Aug 23, 2007 at 04:15:16 PM EST
...how grim could it get? I mean, I was trying to keep in mind my audience here. I just missed the mark.


I am from a small, unknown country in the north called Ca-na-da.
[ Parent ]

Maybe if you showed them the next couple of by ObviousTroll (2.00 / 0) #17 Thu Aug 23, 2007 at 05:07:00 PM EST
installments? Give them an idea where you're going?

--
Has anybody seen my clue? I know I had it when I came in here.
[ Parent ]

Disturbing? by sgt york (2.00 / 0) #4 Thu Aug 23, 2007 at 04:03:02 PM EST
Sounds pretty cool to me. I'd guess they're shying away from the kidnapping component.

What was that novel about the little people that lived in a department store? They thought it was the whole world, but it was closing down. They made a getaway in a delivery truck and set up a colony out in the country somewhere.

There is a reason for everything. Sometimes, that reason just sucks


Quite Right. by CheeseburgerBrown (2.00 / 0) #6 Thu Aug 23, 2007 at 04:06:32 PM EST
That sounds like a novel after my own heart. No better recollection of the title?


I am from a small, unknown country in the north called Ca-na-da.
[ Parent ]

I suspect by DullTrev (4.00 / 2) #13 Thu Aug 23, 2007 at 04:21:00 PM EST

It could be Truckers by the wonderful Terry Pratchett. Written as a children's book, but aren't all the best ones? Two followups with Diggers and Wings, as well.


--
DFJ?
[ Parent ]

Cigar4U by sgt york (2.00 / 0) #16 Thu Aug 23, 2007 at 05:00:02 PM EST
Yep, that was it. Truckers. Didn't know there were sequels, though....time to hit the used book store.

There is a reason for everything. Sometimes, that reason just sucks
[ Parent ]

Sometimes by Vulch (2.00 / 0) #18 Thu Aug 23, 2007 at 06:38:23 PM EST

Available as the "Bromeliad Trilogy" in a single volume.

[ Parent ]

Definitely "Truckers" by LoppEar (2.00 / 0) #15 Thu Aug 23, 2007 at 04:49:12 PM EST
as per DullTrev.


[ Parent ]

The most disturbing part by lm (4.00 / 1) #7 Thu Aug 23, 2007 at 04:08:56 PM EST
The main character willingly climbs down into a hole with a creepy old man he's never met before at his back.

If I were that creepy old man, I'd have started filling in the hole at that point to complete the blood sacrifice to the night people.


There is no more degenerate kind of state than that in which the richest are supposed to be the best.
Cicero, The Republic


Hush Now! by CheeseburgerBrown (2.00 / 0) #8 Thu Aug 23, 2007 at 04:13:59 PM EST
Reading comprehension by ni (4.00 / 1) #21 Thu Aug 23, 2007 at 11:34:31 PM EST
The main character willingly climbs down into a hole with a creepy old man he's never met before at his back.

If I were that creepy old man, I'd have started filling in the hole at that point to

I read that "filling in his hole". Twice.


"What woman wouldn't love a guy in WW2 aviator glasses eating their ass?" -- dest
[ Parent ]

I didn't know you felt that way about me by lm (4.00 / 2) #25 Fri Aug 24, 2007 at 06:48:31 AM EST
That explains quite a lot.

There is no more degenerate kind of state than that in which the richest are supposed to be the best.
Cicero, The Republic
[ Parent ]

Do the night folk know the elves? by duxup (2.00 / 0) #11 Thu Aug 23, 2007 at 04:17:06 PM EST
I don’t know the nature of this paper is, what their standards are so I can’t comment on that.

What I would like is that if you go down there could you ask them if they know the elves that make the cookies in the trees?  If they do I want to know what kind of trees they like and what I can to attract my own colony of cookie elves.

I tried a few times already and all I got were cobbler elves. I just don’t need that many shoes.

____


Elves Are Gay. by CheeseburgerBrown (4.00 / 2) #12 Thu Aug 23, 2007 at 04:20:24 PM EST
The Night Folk are creepy and cool. Um, but otherwise like elves, yes.

There no cookies involved, however. I may just have to write Part Two to answer your curiosity.


I am from a small, unknown country in the north called Ca-na-da.
[ Parent ]

I thought of the same thing by theboz (4.00 / 1) #14 Thu Aug 23, 2007 at 04:22:44 PM EST
What I would like is that if you go down there could you ask them if they know the elves that make the cookies in the trees? If they do I want to know what kind of trees they like and what I can to attract my own colony of cookie elves.
When the tree came into the picture, my first thought was of the Keebler Elves. My next thought was of some gnomes or something on a cartoon I watched when I was a kid that I forgot about.
- - - - -
That's what I always say about you, boz, you have a good memory for random facts about pussy. -- joh3n
[ Parent ]

I liked it. by dark nowhere (2.00 / 0) #19 Thu Aug 23, 2007 at 09:58:30 PM EST
You've got my vote.

I am not your dupe account.


I guess by ucblockhead (2.00 / 0) #20 Thu Aug 23, 2007 at 10:51:51 PM EST
You'll just have to publish it here, then!
----
ウセーバラケダ


Thats about as upsetting by codemonkey uk (4.00 / 1) #23 Fri Aug 24, 2007 at 04:38:06 AM EST
As Harry Potter.

--- Thad ---
developer of ... ?


I can understand why they wouldn't publish by nebbish (2.00 / 0) #24 Fri Aug 24, 2007 at 06:19:48 AM EST
Is a rural newspaper's readership the right audience? I'm not sure it is. It's exactly the kind of readership that will value consistency above experimentation, and when it comes down to it, they have to sell copies.

I like it though.

--------
It's political correctness gone mad!


Rejected! | 26 comments (26 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback