A behemoth multinational's executives are preparing to celebrate themselves and their profits at a yearly event at a fabulous vacation destination. They decide to have themselves introduced with videos projected on a fifty foot screen, in which they are featured as revolutionary thinkers and visionary leaders throughout history.

After proposing various interpretations of this idea that border on making sense, we are sent back to the drawing board on the grounds that what we intend to produce is too clever and information rich. Instead, they would prefer that we produce something more broad.

It is ultimately decided to motion track the faces of the executives into a handful of existing films, in order to portray themselves as awesome.

The first film they choose is currently playing in theatres.

Despite this, I am able to acquire an Oscar-screener DVD which can be digitized after stripping out the MPAA DRM nonsense. After reviewing the film a problem becomes apparent: the group the executives wish to portray themselves as lose the battle in the movie and are all killed.

In a delicate conference call I suggest that aligning themselves with a losing force may not communicate their intended message. Their instructions: re-edit the film to make them win. Quote: "Nobody knows history anyway."

So I create a short narrative by selecting shots from all over the film and blending them together in terms of audio and colour. I motion track in the faces of the executives, syncing their mouths to the lines of the actors. The product of these efforts is uploaded for approval.

The client is enthused, but wants an additional line of dialogue.

It turns out, naturally, that the line of dialogue as remembered from visiting the cinema a couple of months ago does not exist in the film. It is -- like "play it again, Sam" or "beam me up, Scotty" -- an entirely apocryphal construction never spoken by the actors.

"Are you sure?" asks the client.

I've watch the damn movie three times in the last twenty-four hours. "Yeah, I'm sure."

"Okay, then we're going to need you to construct the line out of other words in the movie."

So, here I am making the worst insult to cinema ever conceived by mortal man. I am raping a fairly cool film in order to have it serve to glorify a pack of fat, jowly white men with MBAs and no education.

Kill me.